marcel gift

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 19:59:03 GMT

i got an out of the blue comment from an old lj friend i hadn't heard from in a few years. i considered commenting back, but when i tried to reply, the comment was gone.

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 14:46:21 GMT

the furnace just kicked in. it's june 24th. how bad is that.

must get up and away from this machine soon. the folks are coming up for a visit today, and must make the house presentable, and get some of the cat hair out of the air so mom's allergies don't kick in.

have been pondering life as of late. it really is a rum go. nothing lasts forever, and the only thing that is truly constant is the inconstancy. i guess one really has to try to flow, and be maleable to survive. how to do it without losing your mind is the big problem.

'we both have truths....are mine the same as yours?' (name that quote)

it makes sense though. how can the reality that exists in the brain of one person, who is incomprehensibly different from anyone else in the world, possibly meld with that of another, unless one or the other is bending away from what they truly believe to be truth. and by truth i simply mean, what is the way things are or should be or whatever.

samenesses bring together, differences tear apart. sameness is something we see when we are in a certain frame of mind, and differences come out when our frame shifts - time passes, situations change - inconstancy constantly.....

but what to do?

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 13:30:55 GMT

summer arrives again. this year i've got almost three months before school starts again. so far i've spent most of my time going to the gym or biking (don't want the summer beer consumption to become a permanent fixture) and scraping paint off the house as a preamble to paint. hopefully it will get done, but motivation is a little lacking at this point.

hard to get back into this. i can't remember the form for writing in a journal that is personal yet public. maybe if i wrote more than once every six months it would be easier.

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 13:52:21 GMT

another unexpected day off, it's -48 with the wind so noone goes anywhere. probably the same situation for tomorrow too.

i've been discovering some new(old) music recently. along with a closer inspection of rory gallagher(unbelievable guitarist) i've been listening to a lot by the strawbs(folk) and the groundhogs(blues/prog), both british bands from the late 60's early 70's. it's nice to know that there will always be new/old music to find.

i'm seriously considering a change in schools for next year, for a couple of reasons. first, my parents are getting older and i think it might be time to try to get a little bit closer to them for when they truly need some help. secondly, i'm tired of my school, or at least i think that's the problem. our administration sucks this year(and has been on a slide for the past few) so maybe that's what has me down, but it's possibly just having been here too long. i don't want to become one of those tired old teachers i had to put up with through high school, and i can feel myself falling that way. i've got a very easy, decent, respectful group of kids this year, so i should be having a good time with it, but i find myself hating the idea of monday rolling around.

maybe it's ennui.

on a bright note i've started reading 'the magus' by john fowles. i had always avoided him because of the meryl streep connection. she was in a movie adaptation of his 'the french lieutenant's woman' many years ago, and i didn't like it. stupid i know, but nowi feel great about finding a new author to collect. great prose, and this book is a first-person narrative which is my favorite style.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 15:15:14 GMT

got a few days off here. a community member overdosed and the hall usually used for wakes and funerals has no heat at this point(and it's -30 here today), so they closed the school until thursday. nice to have a few days off, but a very sad way to get them. tragic family: five of this poor woman's chhildren have died so far. one murder, two accidents, one suicide and now this. i have a niece of the deceased in my class, and she was there yesterday like nothing had happened. i guess you can get used to anything.

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 14:03:44 GMT

my mom had a minor stroke earlier this week, brought on by ridiculously high blood pressure. she was in hospital for a couple of days and is home now. i spoke to her last night for a few minutes, and her speech is marginally affected, but not bad at all. we were going to go down and see her but my dad suggested we wait a while, she's a little embarrassed and wants to get her shit back together before having company. i can dig that, that's the way i am when i'm not well.

had a decent week at school, first term is winding down and it's all about exams and such. i'm getting some good results so it's gratifying. finished off the week with the obligatory students vs teachers volleyball game which we won. it's always funny to watch the kids when we win. the younger ones are happy to see it, and the older ones(esp the players) don't really believe it happened.

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 15:08:00 GMT

the doctor told me i needed a couple more days off work to get over whatever the hell it is i am under. i'll take it, though the mess my class will be in when i get back is not a thought i am enjoying.

it continues to snow here. not heavily, but enough to make it miserable-looking and chilly and slippery and all that. sometimes the first snowfall looks quite lovely, with the big flakes and all, but this is just a nasty, breezy, wet, shitty kind of thing. i have occasionally wondered why it is i still live in this part of the country(or world) when i dislike the winter so much. perhaps i should move to australia for the winter;) around here it gets crappy about this time of year and only really gets nice again in april. that's a lot of crap to put up with. the upside of it is that spring is such a beautiful change when it comes, and you know it always will.

don't know exactly how to fill up this day. maria is off to work, so it's just me, the dog and the cats. i guess some reading is the right thing to do. finished 'the chosen' yesterday, but i have it's sequel, 'the promise', waiting in the wings. could rent a movie too i guess, i have to go downtown to pick up a prescription anyway. i've been thinking about watching 'fahrenheit 911', and i know maria has no interest in it(she's american by birth and bush pisses her off enough already so i'm sure it would just make her more angry). could play the piano a bit, i've been slacking lately. i want to commit the jethro tull song 'budapest' to memory, so maybe this is the day to really get that going.

watched a little bit of daytime tv already, and i can see that's not going to be the answer. what a load of crap.

what i really should be doing is writing. i have let that story sit for so long now though, i really don't know if i can pick it up. i'm not exactly the same person i was three years ago when it was coming along so well, so i don't know if i can complete it. i've thought about the middle section that had been plaguing me back then, and i think i know how to work it, but i just don't seem to get my ass in gear. loser.

well, it's 9:00 and the pharmacy will be open, i should get my drugs.

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:10:59 GMT

i've been sick since thursday night. some kind of stomach flu has latched onto me and is lingering a little longer than i think necessary. i rarely get sick, so i'm quite pissy about this.

haven't done a lot lately. received a few ebay purchases in the mail last week. i got a couple of patti smith cd's and one live dvd of a concert in germany in '79. it must have been a tv satellite broadcast or something, quality is not bad at all though. all are great. am reading 'the chosen' by chaim potok. all his books just suck me in; a great underappreciated writer.

and it is snowing for christ's sake. not lots, but the ground is covered and it keeps coming. i know it's mid october and this is not totally out of the norm, but i don't think i'm ready for the long winter just yet.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 19:54:50 GMT

we had a workshop at school last week which focused on choices and opportunities. i was in a discussion group where we were talking about students who had passed away while we taught them and how this fit with the topic and how it affected the school. anyway, it put me in a morbid mood and i sat down and thought long and hard about how many students i have lost in 14 years of teaching, and it came to one per year. i couldn't believe there were that many. one boy had a rare disease, lots of accidents and suicides, but also a handful of murders. the scary thing is, i never would have guessed it was that bad, i must be getting desensitized.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 12:52:05 GMT

i picked up the new tom waits record on the weekend. very interesting indeed. he's gone back to a more experimental style than he had on the past three records. lots of strange sounds and unlikely instruments, plus he even has some scratching worked into a few songs. strangely enough, he made it work.

i got an early christmas present yesterday from my wife. a small version of an old cabinet stereo. it's made to look like an old radio from the 30's, and it does have an am/fm function, but it also plays cds, cassettes and lps, which is the real clincher. i haven't had a reliable turntable in several years, but i still have a pile of vinyl around here(800 or so). sound is very nice and it blends in with the decor of this old house. the perfect gift.

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 02:58:00 GMT

got back from visiting the folks this afternoon. had a very nice weekend, though i find it a little depressing every time we come back now because they seem a little more dependent, and i feel a little more upset at not being able to stay longer. my parents are not yet 70, but are getting close, and we seem to have made the shift to them counting on me a lot more than i count on them. a strange feeling indeed.

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 19:47:43 GMT

one hour left and i'll be out of here for a long weekend. going to see the folks for thanksgiving is nice but i sure don't feel like driving 4 hours after finishing up a very full week.

oh well, i'll be happy once i get there.

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 12:55:45 GMT

i had a student yesterday tell me that she wouldn't be in class today because she was going to the city to visit her mother(her real mother, this girl lives in a foster home) in the hospital. foolishly i asked what was wrong. she said: 'she got beat up....by my two older sisters, but they were drunk.' the last bit she said nonchalantly as if it explained everything.

sometimes this place gets to me.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 17:34:45 GMT

for some reason i strayed away from livejournal a long time ago. not sure what that was about, but i do enjoy the communication and the chance to look back at my life so i'm going to begin again, i think. we'll see. an update:

i've just started reading a book by chaim potok called 'the chosen'. i found it at a library 'book sale' in the city. the guy has become my favorite author, and the nice thing about it is, his books are not readily available, so i can't use him up too quickly. also, i'm being snobby and just looking for hardcovers in decent shape, so it should take me a while. unfortunately he passed away a few years ago so there won't be anything new. other than that i'm also reading 'two solitudes' by hugh maclennan, which is a lot better than i thought it would be.

musically, i picked up a nice stack of vintage sheet music at the same sale, so i'm working my way through some beautiful old songs with nice brown edges and gettting my playing back up to par, which is no hell, but i enjoy it. i've been listening to a lot of patti smith recently, her latest album 'trampin' has been my house faavorite for a few months. i've been looking on ebay and have noticed a lot of her catalogue that was released in the 80's and 90's(when i lost track of her) is being sold for nothing. i think i will have to catch up with her.

at work things are going well. i have a class of 21 this year, and they seem to be a very decent bunch. sure, there's some fooling around(lots of it instigated by me) but i'd hate to see the 14/15 year-old who didn't want to fool around.

personally all is well, especially my granddaughter who is almost ten months old. wouldn't have picked myself as the doting grandfather type, but here i am.

outside, it's a miserably cold october day. better than thursday though, when there was snow in the air.

Sun, 11 Jan 2004 01:22:59 GMT

wow. damn near a year since i last posted.

let's see. i turned 40, i am now a grandfather, i am in the midst of planning a trip to hong kong.

that's all.

hey ky!

Sun, 26 Jan 2003 03:39:58 GMT

chu cha. that's right. sitting back, drinking a few, listening to bowie at the beeb. puppy sitting next to me, she was fixed a couple days ago and came through it quite nicely.

it's cold as fuck outside right now(about -32 or so).

second semester starts on monday, i'll be teaching a grade 11 psych course for the first time. should be fun.

playing a ton of piano lately, feels good.

cha chu

Sun, 19 Jan 2003 00:05:04 GMT

recently came to the conclusion that there are far too many assholes in the world. the first one that somes to mind is george w. bush. truth is though, that he wouldn't need to be such an asshole if our friend saddam wasn't a prick himself. no, i'm not in favour of war with iraq, but i also wouldn't want to be the one responsible for watching that sneaky fuck(and all the other sneaky fucks out there). and noone else in the world will do it.

then there's the child porn thing. what can you even say about that? in my opinion, anyone who finds something like that erotic is obviously suffering from something. noone would choose to find that titillating, there's a fucked up switch in the brain or something. it would be so much easier to just love women, or men. but man, the number of people, in canada alone, makes me want to vomit. and that's just one website.

then there's the local assholes. we got a dog from the spca yesterday. she's a shepherd cross of some sort, and is the most well-behaved gorgeous animal ever. i have not yet heard her bark. she responds to commands and doesn't do stupid doggie things. she is only ten months old, but it is obvious that she has been trained....and then dumped. she was found wandering around a mall parking lot. jesus christ people, if you decide you can't handle the dog you have obviously trained, have the guts to put it down, or the brains to take it to the right place. don't just abandon it. fuck.

but then there's kyleigh, my new lj friend. she rocks. makes me have hope for humanity.

Sat, 21 Dec 2002 13:34:13 GMT

done school for two weeks, and not a minute too soon. the whole just before christmas thing drives me nuts. working in a k-12 school doesn't help cuz you have all the little ones whacked out their minds with excitement and on candy-cane highs all the time.

Mon, 16 Dec 2002 13:00:39 GMT

one more week of school. it's funny how the years always speed by, and at the same time they stand still for long periods of time. this year has been going very well, despite my lack of summer recuperation, but i'll be glad for the time off.

this year i'm not going back to the states with maria because of the price of travel, so we'll spend christmas together with my family, and then a few days after she is flying out. not sure what i will do with myself with a week alone. perhaps write. more likely read.

some friends lent us a book on enneagrams(sp?) so i spent a little time on the weekend trying to pigeon-hole myself. all of our circle of friends have been doing this for a few years so i was the last person to get involved. to my mind i come out as a 9 - the peacemaker, with a branch off to a 3(can't remember what that means), which makes me a little less apathetic and non-descript than the average 9. the positive aspects of being a nine were right on the money, and i guess the negative were mostly there too. though i dislike the thought that i am passive-aggressive. i know damn well i am quite defensive.

Sat, 14 Dec 2002 21:02:51 GMT

at the movie last night we saw the most beautiful juxtaposition of good and bad manners. it was zoe, maria and myself, with the kid in the middle. just as the movie is starting, a couple comes in and is going to sit in front of us. the lady turns to see who is behind, sees zoe and says to her husband, 'oh, let's not sit in front of the kid', and they go to another spot. very decent. unfortunately they were followed by another couple with a kid. the kid was miserable and talked a lot without being told to keep it down, and her mother got no less than three calls on her cell phone, which she took in the middle of the movie. in fact, she handed the phone to the kid at one point, so she could to grandma or whoever. incredible.

Sat, 14 Dec 2002 17:18:52 GMT

yesterday at school i had a nice time during my spare period just talking with one of the kids in grade 11. he was in my class two years ago, and back then he was heavily into rap, which doesn't bother me, though it's not my favorite form of music. anyway, he's taken up the guitar and is listening to the old shit now. we talked about randy rhoads and tony iommi, as well as steve vai and joe satriani. all the while we were listening to a moe cd of mine. it was one of their 40 minute jam songs, and he was totally open to it. nice to see.

saw harry potter last night. love that phoenix.

Fri, 06 Dec 2002 13:02:12 GMT

last night we read plato's apology(actually it was socrates', but it was written by plato). not bad at all. we were bogged down in t.s. eliot for quite a while so it's nice to read something that i don't have the utmost disregard for(that's just my opinion of murder in the cathedral).

my taste in reading has certainly changed over the last few years. i find myself reading a lot of stuff about recent history(meaning of the last century), focusing on stalinist regime kind of things, and the jewish situation, both fiction and non-fiction. i guess it's just a desire to actually understand the last number of years better. right now i'm reading a biography of che guevara(at school when i can get a few moments alone) and the rise and fall of the third reich. both very captivating. guevara disappoints me so far, in that i had the romantic view of him shared by so many, but all i have found thus far is that, while he was very idealistic and true to his beliefs and his revolution, he was incredibly naive and duped repeatedly by others and by himself.

Tue, 03 Dec 2002 13:11:50 GMT

it's fucking -28.

Sun, 24 Nov 2002 01:59:30 GMT

i've been a downloading maniac lately. fuck you lars. i've been getting all the old dylan stuff i already had on lp, lots of t rex, iggy pop, lou reed and brian eno. jeff buckley, placebo and pink floyd. the piece de resistance is the album i'm getting right now: ken hensley's 'proud words on a dusty shelf'. hard to believe anyone had this on cd, but now it's mine. the lp was worn out anyway.

Wed, 20 Nov 2002 03:45:50 GMT

been a while. report cards and parent interviews and that kind of shit.

the ladies who are running the school have started a kind of nasty phase of their rule. they were both just classroom schmucks like me a few years ago, and when they became principal and vice, they seemed to remember what it was like to be in the classroom all day, and what is realistic and what is not. they had a good grip on what is possible and what is theory. now they seem to have forgotten and have started making ridiculous proclamations and have gotten totally negative on the staff about shit that is not in our control. i try not to get bummed out by it, but morale on staff is as low as i can ever remember it.

it reminds me of that scene in animal farm when the pigs start walking on their hind legs.